Hello darkness my old friend, why are you here again? Depression has made his apppearance again and is really affecting me. I guess it’s good that I can recognize the problem but still can’t seem to stop the process. I am beginning to realize that even though I am equipped with tools or skills to help defeat my enemy, I am still helpless in the respect that no amount of positivity or self help will defeat the sadness. I have to go through the process until it decides to go away. The tools live learned are there to help cope with the process. This whole thing can make a person depressed just trying to wrap your head around it.
This time I could feel the cold grip of his dark shadowy hand on my shoulder about a month ago. I told my husband, I feel it coming back. I kept going on about my normal daily routine, work, home, slept, and work the next day. I thought routine is good, helps me know what to expect and that can help with anxiety and depression sometimes.
A week later I tell my husband again the same thing except I feel more urgency to what I am saying. The darkness has a firm hold on my shoulder now and is creeping to other side. I keep on going. What else can I do? I have a life, I think, just kidding. Sometimes when you are in a routine, life can become a blur, but like I said routine for me is a coping mechanism.
Here we go again, now the emotions are starting to change, I chalk it up too my monthly cycle getting ready to make an appearance. Nope, that’s not it either, why can’t I seem to shake this dark cloud?
This post was originally written at the end of September 2017 but I did not post it due to the depression keeping me isolated. I wanted to reach out, but at the time my brain said otherwise. I am posting this now because I want others to know that I survived this espisode even though it was a long one. There is a process, I think, to how depression works and for me it will slowly take over unless I am able to stop it early on. Sometimes you can and other times no. It is what is until it isn’t anymore.
My Silver Lining 